careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
