things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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