why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
