Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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