how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
