my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
