Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
