Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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