She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
