hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
