I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
