Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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