your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
