so let's talk penis.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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