i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
