she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
