Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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