Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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