Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
from now on my penis is your penis
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
