Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
