I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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