she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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