wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
