Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
