I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
