so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
