hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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