I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
