haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
