O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
