Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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