i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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