I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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