Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
