you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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