I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
