just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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