I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
