3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
