I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
