Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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