When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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