Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
