Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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