Four minutes until I can fart!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
