That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
