If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
