Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
