Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
