you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we're making bets on your personal life
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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