The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
