Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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