I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
