It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
